“It would be much bigger a catastrophe for us in case of any passenger plane crash.

…and began to breath a sigh of relief, until I read the rest of it:

“That would have a fatal, long-term consequences for the industry,” Okamura said in Prague.

I mean, double-u tee eff. I suppose it’s old news that major industries consider human lives in economic terms, but how is it that people are so willing to accept this valuation of their lives? I get the big industry mogul who thinks of human lives or injuries as a cost benefit analysis of lawsuits versus safety reform. I totally understand this evil. The puzzling thing is the complete acquiescence, compliance and even support of the people being devalued. It’s the people who read that quote and think of the health of industry, the danger to the economy, rather than the invaluableness of even one human life that totally warp my brain.

Anyone who has been to weight watchers knows what the “clean plate club” is, and for those who aren’t familiar with the term I think it’s pretty self-explanatory. We are people who feel a compulsive need to eat every speck of food on our plates. Over the course of my life, I’ve met some people who have this particular conditioned behavior something fierce. It causes them overwhelming psychological pain to see just one bite of food thrown away, even if it’s on someone else’s plate. I’ve witnessed people sit and miserably stuff themselves, sometimes on the brink of tears, because they just cannot bring themselves to “waste” it.

I’m ok with tossing a few bites into the trash now and then, but I don’t like it. The thought of throwing away half a plate of food is utterly disgusting to me, but the logic of overeating so as to not waste has always seemed a little . . . stinky. I’ve been rolling this over in my head, and last week I had somewhat of a revelation. The more we eat, the more our stomachs expand to fit more food, hence the more we need to eat in order to be satisfied. Serving sizes in restaurants reflect this trend; they are two, three, four times what they were 50 years ago, and growing ever more absurd by the day. Think of all that extra food each American eats over the course of their lifetime, consumed for no good reason but because of our ever expending stomaches; think of what an incredible, unbelievable waste of food that is.

The USDA estimates that the average American consumes a little less than 5 pounds of food per day.¹ I think we could probably get by with only 2/3 of that, but for the sake of simplicity let’s say we could train ourself to eat 1 pound less of food each day. That’s 365 pounds per American, which would be approximately 110,981,799,260 pounds of food per year saved.

That’s over one hundred and ten billion pounds of food, per year, saved.

Multiply that over the average American lifespan and you get a number that is so big it’s unfathomable to most people. I realize these numbers are a gross generalization and some people shouldn’t cut out a pound of food, but even if most people can’t, the people who can would still save billions of pounds of resources a year. At the beginning of the year I significantly lessened my food intake, to perhaps half of what I was eating before. Let’s say I eat 1.5 pounds a day less than I used to (I’m sure it’s more, but let’s go with that to be conservative) and I live another 60 years; I alone will save 32,850 pounds.

No starving children in Africa are benefiting from me stuffing my face. In fact, they might benefit from me not thoughtlessly consuming resources. I know the earth benefits from me consuming less and producing less trash, my health benefits from me weighing less, and my bank account benefits from me spending less on food. Next time you start to feel guilty for the food left on your plate, think of the food you could be saving after a few weeks of conditioning yourself to eat less. I think it’s time we started recognizing the clean plate club for what it really is: just another bad excuse to eat more food.

1. www.usda.gov

Ouch.

It’s one of those moments where white people everywhere get really uncomfortable while we wait to see how the black community reacts. If they react negatively, we throw Chris under the bus. That’s what’s currently happening, but read his whole comment and see if that changes how you feel about his “d’oh!” moment:

You know I was trying to think about who he was tonight and it’s interesting… he is post-racial by all appearances. You know I forgot he was black tonight for an hour. You know he’s gone a long way to become a leader in this country and passed so much history in just a year or two. I mean it’s something we don’t even think about. But I was watching him and said “Wait a minute, he’s an African American guy in front of a bunch of white people and there he is President of the United States and we’ve completely forgotten that tonight”. Completely forgotten it.

I admit, it doesn’t make it that much better, but it does change the flavor of the statement. I don’t watch TV and have never see Matthews’ show, so I have no background knowledge by which to decipher the intention of his comments, but these words alone make an interesting point about how far racial relations have come in just the last year. Think about it; for over 40 presidents and 200 years as a nation we’ve NEVER had a president who wasn’t white and male. From the time slavery was ended in the 1860’s, it was a full one hundred years later before blacks could even ride in the front of the bus.

Most of us figured that we would eventually have a non-white president, but it was anyone’s guess as to how exactly the nation would react. In liberal areas we take for granted the advancements in race relations, but I’ve spent some time in the midwest and the deep south where, everyday, you hear things and see things that make your mouth drop open in shock. Therefore, to think that we’ve had a non-white president for a year without major ignorant rioting (unless you count the tea parties, and I don’t blame you if you do) is kind of impressive. Not only that, but conservatives are beginning to move from hating Obama because he doesn’t see America “the way we do,” an obvious euphemism to his race, to hating him because he’s a Godless liberal who wants to take our money and indoctrinate our children like every other Democratic president. When you consider the aforementioned century to get to the front of the bus, the idea that this fundamental change could happen in less than a year is kind of amazing.

Maybe Chris Matthews says a lot of racist stuff in general and my view of this comment would be different if I knew anything about him, but I think it would add a great deal to the discussion if we didn’t automatically vilify white people who talk about race in this country. The way he worded his statement was dumb at best, but in general I like to believe white people try their hardest to be “correct” in their thinking on race relations, and crucifying anyone who doesn’t say something in exactly the right way leads to a less open dialogue with more ignorance about race in general. Most of the “would be hilarious if they weren’t so sad” sound bites you see on the news are made by people who actually have no idea how racist they are. It seems incredible, but it’s true. Maybe dialogue, rather than demonization, would be a more effect method for the achievement of true racial equality.

The question bugged me, and I remember specifically thinking about it for a long time. I rolled it over in my head. Which one did I have? Then I looked over the options for the state program and it asked if I had purchased a specific plan (if so, which one) or if I payed into the general fund. If I payed into the general fund, how much did I invest, etc. It occurred to me that once in high school I’d won a scholarship for high test scores, and that fund had won me some interest over the years . . . perhaps that counted?

After trying to figure it out and being unable to, I decided to call an information line. The voice I spoke to sounded like a run-down shell of a human being which told me with a distinct boredness that the state program was basically the same as the private program, but run through the state. I said I loathed private insurance companies from the core of my soul, and I would like to give the state program a try.

If you follow my feed on facebook, you know I have a lot of crazy dreams. Mostly my dreams are about dragons, mad scientists or heroines on horseback who fly through a moonlit sky and save the day. This dream, though, was so real, and it felt like so many dull experiences I’ve had in my life . . . but when I awoke I realized it wasn’t real and never would be.

I admire visionaries like Dr. King who have seemingly impossible dreams of a better world, dreams they work toward in the face of unbelievable adversity, because I could never be like that. It’s not that I don’t have the strength to fight people or do things outside the social norm; I don’t have the strength to keep my hope alive in such a cruel world. Once, when I was a senior in high school, I stood up in front of hundreds of people at the local university and asked senator Fred Thompson how we could feel justified in demanding the disarmament of other countries when we are the only country to have used nuclear power on another nation during a time of war. I can stand up and speak out, but the thought of letting myself hope just for an instant that a much better world is possible and we refuse it makes me shudder. I hear about things that are happening in my country such as the recent supreme court ruling that allows corporations to buy congress, and it cuts into me. I feel like a battered and beaten runner who tries to keep moving even though suffering from brutal injuries.

Maybe I am simply not a big-picture thinker, and there are people in the world right now planning for a better America. Maybe before I die I will see a portion of my dream realized, but until then, I will say “I had a dream.”

I love being married. I love my husband. Being married, for me, has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

There’s only one thing.

I hate meeting cool, single guys at school who become my friends only to stop talking to me when they meet someone single. Most of the time I brush it off, but every once in a while it’s a real bummer. I understand how hanging out with a married woman is probably not a high priority for a single dude looking for a girl. I totally get that. But don’t tell me how cool I am and how neat it is to talk to me, then totally forget I exist when a single girl says hello. That’s kind of . . . you know . . . fucked up, as they say.

I have several male friends that I’ve known for ages who seem to only call me up when they’re single. It’s natural that a person would rely more on their friends when they’re not investing so much time in a significant other, but this behavior seems to only happen with my male friends. My female friends call me the same amount regardless of what’s going on. What’s up with that? Am I justified in feeling a little used, or am I over-reacting?

This feeling of being shoved aside for something better has so affected me that I almost never talk to single guys at school anymore. But, on general principals, I don’t believe in the concept of avoiding an entire group of people just because you’ve had a few bad experiences, and not all single men treat me like I’m a consolation prize. I have some awesome single male friends that I talk to regularly, but they tend to either be in a completely different age group or live across the country. I can’t think of a one single male friend that I talk to regularly who’s around my age and lives near me . . . hrmm.

Which is funny, because before I got married I was swimming in single male friends my age who lived near me. Even when I was engaged with my husband. Now . . . not so much. Now that I think of it, those single male friends who used to only call me when they were single haven’t called in a while.

Well, hell.

/end rant

As I got older and grew to loath consumerism, the magic of Christmas wore off for me. Consumerism is like a kind of modern Robin Hood tale where retailers steal from the poor and give to the rich.

I was going to write a ginormous post about the history of consumerism and the environment, but if I’m already tired of writing it then surely you’re tired of reading it. I’ll say simply this: I don’t want anything for Christmas this year, or ever. I don’t need any more things, I have way too many things already. I wish I had fewer things. The only thing I care about doing on Christmas is celebrating family, friends and Jesus. I don’t need a bunch of stuff. Of course, such is the ingrained nature of the “X-Mas Spirit” that I said the same thing last year and still got presents. By the way, I can’t stand it when people say “Merry Xmas.” If you want to celebrate and you’re not a Christian, say “Merry Winter Solstice” or “Merry a million other pagan holidays that happen this time of year” instead. Saying Xmas is pretty offensive to some people.

Anyway! I sure am in a bitchy mood today. Well, Merry Christmas! 

Today I had an interesting conversation. I believe this guy could be a nice person if he wasn’t a partisan jerk. People who get completely wrapped up in being either democrat or republican are a little scary to me; it seems like they would need an uncanny ability to completely deny reality in order to be all on board for one party or the other. Both parties are so full of douchebaggery that, in my eyes, even the “we’re not as bad as those guys” routine doesn’t really work. Don’t get me wrong; there’s nothing bad about having a little pride in your beliefs and, consequently, your political party. But at the expense of being a reasonable person?

The discussion in question happened on plurk. I was browsing random profiles when I saw a photo that caught my eye; it was obama juxtaposed with socialist leader, complete with corresponding quotes. The idea, of course, being that Obama is similar to a radical socialist.

I could go into my argument about why this image is ridiculous, but it doesn’t really matter. The important thing is that it is a ridiculous image which any critically thinking person (on either side) should be able to see through. But critical thinking takes a serious backseat to partisan loyalty, at least it has in this election.

Anyway, it was a long conversation, and at the end the guy I was talking with actually said he didn’t care about thinking. My mouth dropped open when I read that . . . I couldn’t believe a person would actually say that. He kept try to pin me as some kind of evil obama supporter (which I am . . . but that’s beside the point) and I kept saying that I only cared about critical thinking, wading through the bullshit, no matter what side you are on. To which he said, “Ah, thinking critically. Hope that works for you. I’ll worry about America and our constitution. You worry about thinking.”

Shocking, but true.

You can read the entire conversation here, but I must warn you, it contains deadly rays of stupidity.

It was while watching the Oct. 23 episode of the Colbert Report that I saw an interesting sketch about the National Hummer Club (beware, this site is ugly . . . almost as ugly as a hummer). The sketch was shot in the style of a serious film about conservation, with such notable quotes as “if we can save the hummer, we can save America.” But what really caught my attention was this gem, implying that driving a hummer is the epitome of American patriotism: “If that’s not patriotic, I don’t know what is.”

Of course, my first reaction to that is well, you’ve got no fricken clue what patriotism is, then. But after thinking about it for a while, I realized I don’t either. Patriotism hinges on what your definition of being an American is, and Americanism is almost impossible to define. (This is what I hate about not being able to turn my brain off– I watch a simple comedy sketch and it makes me contemplate the meaning of Americanism.) This is important because patriotism is a heartstring that gets yanked on constantly. People are always attempting to define patriotism in ways that will be beneficial to them, but it seems fundamentally wrong to me that a specific group of people should use love of country to control and isolate.

Republicans and Democrats will tell you that they are the true patriots, but how can one party be more patriotic than another? Ours is a two party system, so “love of country” would involve both parties. You can’t be patriotic if you hate half the people who live in your country! That’s not patriotism, it’s just party loyalty.

Some people will tell you that capitalism is patriotic. Those are the people who have been brainwashed by capitalists; quick, sell them something before they run out of money.

When I think of patriotism, I tend to think of the founding fathers and the freedoms they fought for, such as the freedom of speech and religion. In that sense, I suppose driving a Hummer is patriotic– it’s nothing if it isn’t a statement. Perhaps what I’m leaning toward is the idea that patriotism is open for definition in many ways, and it differs a little for each person. Therefore, next time someone tells you that “real” patriots are ________, exercise your freedom of speech and tell them to fuck off.

Until this moment I’ve never spoken publicly about my mom being gay because she’s not “out.” But I realized today that I have some very, very important things to say about being raised by a lesbian couple.

First of all, I’m not totally fucked up, I’m not a completely dysfunctional human being, I’m not an atheist, and I’m not gay. These are all things I’ve heard as being what happens to a person raised by a gay couple. I was never molested as a child, and neither were any of my friends. My upbringing was virtually no different from anyone else, except that occasionally my friends’ parents would discover my mom’s homosexuality and I would not be allowed to play with them anymore. At 9 or 10 years old this made no sense to me, especially since my mom seemed just like all the other moms. My mother always encouraged me to be myself, follow my dreams and love myself for who I am like all mothers should.

Today I’m a full time student at a university working on my bachelors degree. I’m married (to a man) and I plan on having children someday. I’m a Christian who goes to church 4 times a week (Wednesday night choir practice, Thursday night womens bible study, Friday night couple’s bible study, and of course Sunday) and reads the bible almost everyday. While Jesus never personally condemns homosexuality, there are several passages which allude to it as being wrong (though there is, of course, a significant amount of debate about the meaning of these passages). What Jesus does say is that it’s wrong to pass judgment on others: “Let the person among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her” (John 8:7).

The reason why I’m talking about this now is because there’s a proposition to be voted on in November which, if passed, would amend California’s constitution to forever take away my mom’s right to get married. I don’t think my mom wants to get married, but if she did, no one would have the right to take that right away from her. People have certain inalienable rights, and it’s a perversion of government to take away a person’s rights. Government is meant to protect rights. I don’t usually talk about political things, or take sides, but this is really important.

I believe most people support prop 8 because they don’t agree with homosexuality, and that’s fine. This is a free country and people have the right to their own beliefs. But you can still disagree with homosexuality AND vote NO on prop 8; it just means you’re not passing judgment. Only the Lord has the right to pass judgment; “judge not lest ye be judged” (Matthew 7:1). If what is written in the bible is true, then someday she may have to face judgment, but that judgment should not come from me or anyone else on this earth.

My mom is not a political issue, she’s just my mom. When I was little she would tell me stories at bed time. When I was in the third grade she dressed up as a pilgrim for our history field trip. When I was in the marching band in high school she came to the football games with me and kept me company. She is a real person who has always been loving, kind, caring and supportive of me, and now is my turn for her.

I’m staging a full-on revolt against the shady money-changers who have taken up shop in the temple of my self-esteem. I may not be the smartest person in the world, or the most beautiful, or the most anything else, but I am who I am and I can either love myself or not. As a human being, I am too wonderful to let my perception of myself and my worth be controlled by a corporation whose idea of worth is completely different from my own.

Well, this isn’t actually original content. I stole this from my journal then wrote off the lines that didn’t make sense. Enjoy!

22 June 2008 @ 03:01 am
It’s late. It’s 3 am late. I think three a.m. is officially, like, the middle of the fucking night.

I just got off skype with a friend of mine. We talked about a great deal of things, among which was our time spent on the internet. He mentioned feeling like he’d wasted an incredible amount of time online, and I can surely sympathize. Sometimes I wonder if there’s any point to being online at all; the internet is this weird little world that is separate from reality with no way of knowing how relevant it is.

I am completely naked right now because I just got out of the shower. Good thing I don’t have my webcam going! lol! “Lol” means “laugh out loud,” which I didn’t actually do just now. In fact, I didn’t even smile. The joke really wasn’t that funny.

The real question is what is important? What is important to do with your life? Obviously if the goal of living is to make friends on the internet then spending tons of time on the internet is crucial, but most people seem to have this idea that time on the internet is really just interstitial. You spend time online while you’re waiting to do other things that are important. Therefore, nothing you ever do is important because you spend all your time online. For the hyper-wired semi-masses, the internet takes over and the line between reality and nonreality becomes a little vague.

For the mind, there is no real distinction between high imagination and reality. It’s becoming more and more plausible for people to live an entire life through the internet. Who’s to say there’s anything wrong with that? Who’s to say it isn’t a complete waste of human life?

So I ask myself what I’m doing online and why. Why am I in the thick of social media and does that really mean anything? If I simply unplug myself from that world it will keep going on without me; I’ll be just a blip on the radar. But I suppose that is the way it is with all things.

Boy, this was a happy entry.

I guess it’s better than having my house catch on fire, though. Part of Watsonville was on fire yesterday, and I realized that if I had to evacuate I could leave everything and not miss any of it, which made me very happy.

End existentialist rant #0. And, if anyone can tell me why images aren’t working so I can get back to wasting time on the internet, that’s be swell.