It was while watching the Oct. 23 episode of the Colbert Report that I saw an interesting sketch about the National Hummer Club (beware, this site is ugly . . . almost as ugly as a hummer). The sketch was shot in the style of a serious film about conservation, with such notable quotes as “if we can save the hummer, we can save America.” But what really caught my attention was this gem, implying that driving a hummer is the epitome of American patriotism: “If that’s not patriotic, I don’t know what is.”

Of course, my first reaction to that is well, you’ve got no fricken clue what patriotism is, then. But after thinking about it for a while, I realized I don’t either. Patriotism hinges on what your definition of being an American is, and Americanism is almost impossible to define. (This is what I hate about not being able to turn my brain off– I watch a simple comedy sketch and it makes me contemplate the meaning of Americanism.) This is important because patriotism is a heartstring that gets yanked on constantly. People are always attempting to define patriotism in ways that will be beneficial to them, but it seems fundamentally wrong to me that a specific group of people should use love of country to control and isolate.

Republicans and Democrats will tell you that they are the true patriots, but how can one party be more patriotic than another? Ours is a two party system, so “love of country” would involve both parties. You can’t be patriotic if you hate half the people who live in your country! That’s not patriotism, it’s just party loyalty.

Some people will tell you that capitalism is patriotic. Those are the people who have been brainwashed by capitalists; quick, sell them something before they run out of money.

When I think of patriotism, I tend to think of the founding fathers and the freedoms they fought for, such as the freedom of speech and religion. In that sense, I suppose driving a Hummer is patriotic– it’s nothing if it isn’t a statement. Perhaps what I’m leaning toward is the idea that patriotism is open for definition in many ways, and it differs a little for each person. Therefore, next time someone tells you that “real” patriots are ________, exercise your freedom of speech and tell them to fuck off.