NO on Prop 8
October 13th, 2008family, gay marriage, politics, rants
When I was two years old, my mom started attending AA meetings to help her deal with my father’s alcoholism. He was very depressed and abusive, so when she met someone at AA who was supportive and kind she fell in love. They’ve had their ups and downs, but they’ve pulled through it all and now they are happily awaiting retirement together. The only difference with this relationship is that the person my mom fell in love with was another woman.
Until this moment I’ve never spoken publicly about my mom being gay because she’s not “out.” But I realized today that I have some very, very important things to say about being raised by a lesbian couple.
First of all, I’m not totally fucked up, I’m not a completely dysfunctional human being, I’m not an atheist, and I’m not gay. These are all things I’ve heard as being what happens to a person raised by a gay couple. I was never molested as a child, and neither were any of my friends. My upbringing was virtually no different from anyone else, except that occasionally my friends’ parents would discover my mom’s homosexuality and I would not be allowed to play with them anymore. At 9 or 10 years old this made no sense to me, especially since my mom seemed just like all the other moms. My mother always encouraged me to be myself, follow my dreams and love myself for who I am like all mothers should.
Today I’m a full time student at a university working on my bachelors degree. I’m married (to a man) and I plan on having children someday. I’m a Christian who goes to church 4 times a week (Wednesday night choir practice, Thursday night womens bible study, Friday night couple’s bible study, and of course Sunday) and reads the bible almost everyday. While Jesus never personally condemns homosexuality, there are several passages which allude to it as being wrong (though there is, of course, a significant amount of debate about the meaning of these passages). What Jesus does say is that it’s wrong to pass judgment on others: “Let the person among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her” (John 8:7).
The reason why I’m talking about this now is because there’s a proposition to be voted on in November which, if passed, would amend California’s constitution to forever take away my mom’s right to get married. I don’t think my mom wants to get married, but if she did, no one would have the right to take that right away from her. People have certain inalienable rights, and it’s a perversion of government to take away a person’s rights. Government is meant to protect rights. I don’t usually talk about political things, or take sides, but this is really important.
I believe most people support prop 8 because they don’t agree with homosexuality, and that’s fine. This is a free country and people have the right to their own beliefs. But you can still disagree with homosexuality AND vote NO on prop 8; it just means you’re not passing judgment. Only the Lord has the right to pass judgment; “judge not lest ye be judged” (Matthew 7:1). If what is written in the bible is true, then someday she may have to face judgment, but that judgment should not come from me or anyone else on this earth.
My mom is not a political issue, she’s just my mom. When I was little she would tell me stories at bed time. When I was in the third grade she dressed up as a pilgrim for our history field trip. When I was in the marching band in high school she came to the football games with me and kept me company. She is a real person who has always been loving, kind, caring and supportive of me, and now is my turn for her.
The average marriage in California lasts 8 years, and they’ve been together almost two decades. I wanted to throw that in there but I couldn’t find a spot for it.
As usual, this is an incredible post that teaches people that there is a human face behind all their prejudice. I really enjoyed reading this and learning more about you.
You, and you mother, have all of the applause and encouragement that is mine to give.
This was a beautiful post. I am so sick of hearing that people who are raised by lesbian and gay couples are raised to believe that they too have to be gay or that gay parents are going to “completely fuck up” their children. It is repulsive to believe that anyone has the right to take away the rights of another person, yet gay people aren’t even seen as “people” by a truly impressive amount of close-minded people. I have also noticed that in a great number of gay relationships, those relationships tend to last a lot longer than most heterosexual marriages, yet no one had to vote on whether or not that heterosexual couple deserved to be married or even have children. Gay, straight, bisexual, transgendered…whatever you are born as does not take away the fact that you are indeed a human being and every human being deserves to be treated as one.
When it comes to gay marriage, most think that a “law agreement” has the same effects as a “marriage” and thus don’t believe that gay people should really push for the term “marriage” and that is complete crap. Saying that a law agreement is basically marriage is like telling a black person “You can sit there, but not here.” In actuality, you still get to sit somewhere, just not here, so what’s the difference? So why did the black population push to get rid of segregation? Because they are just like white people and deserve the same rights, that’s why, plain and simple.
When more states start seeing the true travesty of telling a gay couple that they do not deserve to be married and pass a law allowing gay marriage, decades from now when their children and grandchildren are being taught about gay marriage in their history classes, they are going to wonder how there was so much of a debate about it, just like we did when we were taught about black people and white people being granted the right to marry.
This isn’t a “gay/straight” debate, this is about human decency and more people need to realize that.
@holy
My thoughts exactly. I hope I live to see the day when all of this is history.
First time to your site, found you on Mixx.com (GO MIXX, NO DIGG)
“but you can still disagree with homosexuality AND vote NO on prop 8; it just means you’re not passing judgment.”
I love this quote. I am not gay, and don’t know anyone who is gay, but I think that your life is your life and no one else should be able to disrupt that life you want for yourself. You can disagree with homosexuality if you want (I don’t – I have live in NH and believe in their state motto Live Free or Die) but do not pass judgment.
Great post,
~ Jim
@jim
Thanks for stopping by! I appreciate your thoughts.
Defining marriage as between one man and one woman is not taking away anyone’s rights. The definition simply distinguishes a union that is biologically capable of producing its own children. Whether a married couple has children or not, I feel like this deserves a separate name–even the potential is kind of a miracle.
Actually this definition can be seen as the ultimate expression of equality our society has to offer: it takes one man and one woman. One could see a lesbian union as a marginalization of men, or a homosexual union as a marginalization of women.
Equality is especially important when it comes to raising children. Children deserve/need a father and a mother. Neither parent should be marginalized.
Yes, many children are already growing up in single-parent homes. Prop 8 should be a reminder to everyone that as a society we need to assist and strengthen families as much as possible. Really, as a society we should be most concerned with the success and health of our families.
http://emiliadelmar.blogspot.com/2008/10/legislation-and-social-issues.html
http://gr8prop8deb8.blogspot.com/
peace!
Unless I’m completely wrong, up to now no one is saying that a church or religious organization MUST recognise gay marriage but that people should have the right to marry if they so wish. It is simple to work out whether you are advocating for individual rights or advocating against them.
You take out the adjectives!!!
If you argue that a straight person has the right to marry…..the sentence becomes:
“A person has the right to marry.”
If you argue that a gay person has the right to marry….the sentence becomes:
“A person has the right to marry.”
If you argue that a heterosexual person has the right to marry but that gay marriage should not be recognised….the sentence becomes:
“A person has a right to marry but that marriage should not be recognised.” – CLEARLY there is a contradiction there.
Individual rights empower the individual irrespective of the individual. If you choose to empower one individual’s rights over another’s then you are not arguing from a rights platform but a judgemental authoritarian platform. People who argue from such a platform generally do so from a religious perspective….on which note:
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged.” Matt. 7:1
Treating one individual differently than another is judging. Even when argued from a secular perspective the light that was once the conception of a free nation under the US constitution and the bill of rights defends a premise of all people created equal.
An adjective describes something relative to a noun. It is literally a form of singling out, judging, one specific element of what is a collective noun field.
No-one can say “Defining marriage as between one man and one woman is not taking away anyone’s rights” from a religious perspective without scoring through Matthew 7:1 It is quite literally judging people by virtue of their chromosomes.
I’m not saying people should not have the right to support Prop 8. I certainly don’t agree with it but I support another’s right to object to it. I am saying that anybody arguing a religious argument for Prop8 is not arguing for individual rights and has compromised their own religious canon.
*edit*
last paragraph edit…..
“I certainly don’t agree with it but I support another’s right to either object or support it.”
I don’t agree with prop 8 in any aspect. Since it is a prop based off religious beliefs. Driving through Monterey one day, I saw people waving signs saying “Yes on Prop 8. Save religious freedom” which is funny to me. I mean, how is banning gay marriage religious freedom? It seems like it would be more religious persecution, in a manner. I also think that if it passes, it would be going against the country’s constitution.
@Albion – Perfectly said, amazing. I am glad that you put this there. I wish you would go to Mixx.com and find this article, it is there. And add your comment
There is a good conversation going on over there and you spoke my point much better that I could.
Thanks
Brave and well-written article, Calinazaret. I’d respond to it further, but I think Albion (as usual) has said what I would say, just more eloquently.
He’s kind of an asshole that way, don’t you think? I mean, just because a guy’s got a big dick doesn’t mean he’s got to walk around swinging it in everyone’s face.
Shit. I got sidetracked. And this was such a great article.
Sorry, Calinazaret.
@honest ape
It’s ok, ape. I know how you get distracted when there’s a big, swinging dick in the room.
@Calinazaret
You know me well.
well said, Julie, you truly rock.
it never ceases to amaze me that we are still considering legally sanctioned discrimination against a segment of our society. during the days of slavery, marriage was not legally permitted amongst slaves because they were not people, they were property, and marriage was a contract between people. to deny a select group of people the right to marry is to classify them as lesser human beings. the concept of allowing “civil unions” with a limited subset of the legal privileges granted married couples (all the while insisting this is just as good as the real thing) reminds me of the “separate but equal” doctrine that we got rid of with Brown v. Board of Education, where the Supreme Court ruled “separate educational facilities are inherently unequal”. well, civil unions are also inherently unequal.
i might have to keep ranting about this. it makes me angry, just the thought of it.
Julie, this was beautiful. This was a brave, wonderful entry. I am so heartened when I hear things that are honest, and that don’t “fit into stereotypes.” The world is not either or, and your you obviously have a wonderful mind that thinks great thinks, and in this entry, you have yet more evidence of it!
I’m linking to this post in my blog. This is awesome.
@honest_ape,
Oh damn, we’ve dated haven’t we?
I meant to call/left the money on the bed side table/was arrested.
Please believe me when I say;
He/she/they/it meant nothing to me/I think of you all the time*
I’m sorry I left without explaining the situation but;
I had a wedding/wake/boardroom meeting/choicer piece of ass/mass/life* to attend to.
Best regards,
Albion/Rebecca/Steve/Gimp/Father Ryan
*Please delete where applicable
[...] truth is that there are many, many good christians who oppose Prop. 8. there are even organized religious groups who have spoken out against Prop 8. in fact, i feel [...]
@li lee
I wish to point out the subtle inconsistencies in your statement. Defining marriage as a union between one man and one woman IS subversive of a right. The right to declare to the world one’s love for another, and one’s wish to spend as much of his or her life with that other person. Marriage should be defined as a union between two consenting adults, nothing more.
And if the conservative right wants to challenge the notion that marriage is about providing a mother and a father to children, two things need to be addressed: If marriage is about children, then infertile couples should not be allowed marriage, either; and: If marriage is about providing a mother and a father, then divorce should not be legal, AND mothers or fathers should not be allowed to enlist during wartime.
Proposition is about banning something that is hardly understood, and unable to be controlled.
The Constitution states that no rights shall be obstructed or denied by an act of Congress. Rights were meant to be given, not taken away.
What an excellent post!!
I get sick of all the bigotry and judgment passed by supposedly “Christian” folk. I believe in God. I attend Church. I read the Bible (sometimes). I choose not to judge those around me, because I believe it is something that we are told specifically not to do … I also choose not to be called a Christian, but instead a follower of Christ.
My vote was already secure, but your post made me smile and think “that’s right. I’m doing the right thing here.”
**hugs**
Calinazaret,
I really believe that if you are raised with love by humans that love each other, it doesn’t totally screw you up… Love is love no matter who is involved in it. The only damage done is the confusion when others don’t accept your situation and do pass judgment.
I am really impressed with your post.
we are only on this planet for such a short time. We all have the right to love and be loved and to marry the person who makes us happy.
I totally support family, and not passing judgement
I appreciate your honesty and how you love your mom makes me smile.
I am not in California, but I will pass along this post to my friends who do live there.