Late one night I was up around 2 am and realized I’d not yet written a response to an important email. Later, when I was reading back over it, I realized it wasn’t a bad piece of writing. Narcissistic as I am, I decided to share it here:

Hi Todd,

Many apologies for my late response; I was experiencing a heightened sense of disconnection from reality for no particular reason and felt responding at such a time would be unwise.

It’s very late, and sometimes at this hour I’m vulnerable to a kind of dangerous introspection. I will try very hard not to let this email unravel into something that makes no sense. I realize that, as an instructor, you are perhaps at times overburdened with pitifully crude attempts at philosophical reasoning, but I suppose my insistence in carrying on this way is just another testament to my selfish nature.

I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no way to prove whether or not there is a God. I have even tried to use this given as a instrument to decipher the truth but it fails (and ultimately brings me back to the same conclusion). All one is left with is a choice whether or not one wants to believe, furthering my suspicion that there is no real truth.

Matt always used to say I had a lot on common with Kerouac, whatever that means. Riding a motorcycle isn’t that big of a deal. The machismo associated with it is merely a modern technological adaptation of an ancient flaw in humanity. Putting tattoos on my body holds no real appeal to me; I prefer very much to be as natural as possible because separation from nature leads me to feel lost. I am thinking about writing a book, though. Not really about me, because I am only one person, but about love which encompasses everything.

I’m disgusted by the fact that Marina has no real library, but I suppose I’ll manage. Hopefully I will have left the country inside of two years anyway. My plan is to travel the world in search of truth, ultimately discover that I have to find it in myself, write a few books and then pass away.

-julie